Getting Rid of a Few Little Problmes
by aitchtee
Summary: Arwen has had enough of all the fictional characters who keep turning up and decides to do something about it


Arwen glared at the assembled mass of (mostly young women) in front of her. She turned to her two companions who were fidgeting nervously in the face of her wrath.

"You two! Blue wizards! You have done sod all so far so you can just make yourself useful and help me sort out this lot!"

She turned once again to the group. "Right! Hands up all of those who think they are my sister. You lot can go for a start. Wizards, make them vanish!."

A few more rather tentatively put their hands up. "Er, we're not _exactly_ your sister, more sort of Aragorn's?"

"Get rid of them" Arwen demanded before noticing one or two who still looked like they weren't sure if they were included.

"Well?" she asked hands on hips glaring at the unfortunate women.

"I'm your Aunt dear" one of the bolder ones ventured "You see your Grandmother had another daughter…" She got no further as Arwen pushed her towards the waiting wizards.

"Ok next!" she said with a certain amount of satisfaction. "Adoptions? And I mean any of Daddy's, Granny's or Aragorn's".

"Well well, it seems we still have loads of people here I wonder if I can guess what else you think you lot are doing intruding into my world? That's it! All those who have somehow dropped here from another universe stand over there for the moment, I'll get back to you in a minute."

"All those who think they were the tenth member of the fellowship? No not you Bill! You are a pony, get back into the stable and have a carrot or something."

"Princesses and other noble ladies of any race who have special powers, magic items or an unusual talent with weapons, you go next." Arwen became aware of a tugging on her sleeve, one of the wizards was standing next to a dark haired leather clad woman.

"Xena? I don't know how you got mixed up in this but we'll get it sorted out and you can go back to your own place, give my love to Gabriel and that hunky Hercules if you see him."

"Do we have any more spurious relatives?" Boromir's sister or perhaps Eomer's? off you go!"

"And you are Legolas's sister are you? Legolas! Stop playing tongue hockey with Aragorn and get in here!"

A collective sigh went through the group as the pretty blond elf entered accompanied by a slightly ruffled looking Aragorn. Surveying the mass of beautiful women he muttered "Eat your heart out Johnny Depp!" causing Aragorn to wrinkle his brow in confusion and ask "Who?"

"Legolas" Arwen asked, smiling sweetly "Do you have sisters?"

"It's possible" he admitted as some of the girls sagged with relief at this reprieve.

"I don't" Aragorn added. "If I had I'm sure Mummy would have mentioned it."

"Aragorn, stay out of this!"

Aragorn sighed "Yes dear."

"I'm Boromir's sister one of the women ventured "and I'm his daughter" another added.

"Sister no, daughter..you can stay for now, Boromir didn't look like a 40 year old virgin to me similarly for Eomer but as he's only 27 you have to be pretty young. Now if anyone wants to claim they are Faramir's offspring I suggest you take it up with Eowyn but I warn you, she won't like it at all." Arwen said with some relish.

Noticing that Legolas was now surrounded by an admiring crowd of women Arwen wondered over.

"Please" they begged "We are in love with him."

"Ok, one condition though, If you refer to him as a certain elf prince you are out! Is that clear?"

She turned her attention once more to the 'dropped into Middle-Earth group'.

"Now most of you are going straight home, one or two of you might get to stay if you can convince me that you can tell a good story and I'll even overlook the fact that you wouldn't know the language since there's a precedent for ignoring that in drama and in fiction, let's just call it the gift of the Time Lords."

At that point a servant appeared.

"Excuse me my Lady, Glorfindel is outside he wants to see you about you borrowing his horse, and Haldir has turned up with his brothers he seems very angry and wants a word with a Mr Jackson…."


End file.
